Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Yesterday Big D asked me what I was going to be when I grew up.  Whether that was a commentary on his opinion of my small stature or my apparent lack of occupation, I don't know.

Instead of boring you with the admittedly long-winded answer that I gave him involving how he should be impressed by my Engineering degree and by my dedication as a mother to care for him INCESSANTLY, I will tell you my real answer.

I've decided I would like to be a superhero.  (SuperMom just sounds stupid.  Maybe Uber Mother!  No.  The Hammer!  No.  Blitz!  Nah.  Ulti-Mom?   Hmm, the name thing's harder than I thought.  I'll get back to you on the name.)

I want to be a Superhero with super powers.  I believe I've commented before that it's a life goal of mine to discover my superpower.  I refuse to admit that it is the knack to pick the line with the most mentally challenged checkout person at the local super store.   Although the evidence to support the fact that that is indeed a talent of mine is really piling up. 

No, I want real superpowers.  But not the usual ones.  I'm over wanting invisibility (I can hide in the bathroom, after all...) and if I could fly I'd just have to create some sort of American Academy of Pediatrics approved child safety harness.  No, I'd like real super powers. 

Like the ability to clean something instantly with only my mind. 

Dishes?  Poof! Done. 

Laundry? Zap! Sorted.  Zing! Washed.  Wham! Dried.  And best yet, Bam! Put away. 

Something freaky in that tupperware I just found tucked behind the cheese drawer in the fridge?  Zonk! Emptied and disinfected.  With nary a whiff of rancid parmesan cheese. 

Or the ability to instantly obliterate all noxious smells.  

Or to mute whining. 

Or if that is all too much to ask, then maybe just the ability to freeze time for the rest of the world while I  clean.  That way I would a) not waste any time that could be spent doing more interesting things and b)the kids would be stuck in some sort of perfectly safe stasis so they could not be up to their usual devious plans of wrecking whatever room I am not currently cleaning. 

Hmmmm, kids stuck in some sort of perfectly safe stasis....I would clean often.

And if I were a superhero then I could get a signal.  Not some bat-shaped-light-shining-up-in-the-sky sort of signal.  That would be of no use since all the emergencies I am needed for happen inside my own home.  Maybe just some sort of Super iPhone.  Ulti-Mom's Ulti-Phone.  And if I'm needed?  Well, there's an app for that.

Because how much cooler would it be to have my Ulti-Phone play a personalized ring tone than having to hear hysterical wailing from upstairs of "MOOOOMMMMMMYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HELP!!!!!!!!!!  I GOT POOP ON MY THUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"? 

Well, that's the dream. 

Oh, and Belle would like me to be able to conquer static electricity once and for all. 


  1. Those are awesome super powers! I would add the power to mentally locate and teleport lost objects...

  2. Someone once told me that trying to clean the house with kids is like shoveling snow in a snowstorm. I never, ever, EVER got on top of it. Ever! And I went from being a fairly rational 30-something business woman to a stepmom to 3 in one fell swoop.

    Ha! Running a business is simple. A household with kids? Heck, no!

  3. Ha ha re: a) E's hair (the bane of the superfine- Frankie knows it well) and b) the superpower you do have, i.e. picking the most mentally challenged checkout person.


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