Monday, September 12, 2011

Highs and Lows - September 12th

1) Ditto to last week with all the baby fluids making my clothes and my person gross.  Blech.  Double Blech.

2) A couple bouts of Liam having serious gas (reference High #2).  So sad to see a little baby so uncomfortable.  And so unpleasant to have to hear him cry about it.  Maybe more unpleasant than sad, but you didn't hear me say it.  Nope, I'm all about putting my minor (make-me-want-to-stab-the-baby-thermometer-through-my-ears) discomfort aside and focusing patiently on the discomfort of my baby. 

3) Did I mention that I keep getting peed on, spit up on, pooped on and dribbled with milk?  Blech. 

1) Family Movie Night

We had a nice time with our very first Family Movie Night on Sunday night.  A night where the kiddos get to stay up a little late and watch a movie with us while we all eat pizza.  We imagined a happy family time worthy of a Parenting Magazine cover.  And I'm putting it under "Highs" because the kids say they loved it.

Of course what really happened is that Medman got called into the hospital right when we were getting pizzas ready AND the big kids were supposed to get pj's on AND Liam needed to go to sleep.  Well, with trying not to burn the pizza and trying to corral the other kids into productivity so that the movie didn't get started too late, I missed Liam's sleepy time and sent him into hours of over-exhaustion and sadness (read "furious crying").  Ugg.  Medman and I took turns throughout the movie being in his room trying to sooth him. And the movie still got started pretty late.  Belle lost it before the end and went into hyper/twitchy/uncoordinated mode, endangering her life by jumping on bean bag chairs right next to the stone fireplace and spilling drinks left and right.  D did great and thinks it was a great success.

Side note:  DON'T try to be fun-mom the morning after Family Movie Night when everyone is tired.   DON'T declare that "Today is Silly Cup Day!" and switch the lids on the pink and green sippy cups.  Because then Belle will cry that she wanted the ALL PINK cup.  And when you roll your eyes and say, "Fine, it's not Silly Cup Day.  It's Boring Cup Day," and you switch the lids back, then D will cry because he wanted a silly cup.  Then he will spend 10 minutes trying to tearfully convince Belle that Silly Cup Day is fun and not something to cry about (hello, pot and kettle.) and when she does finally agree and proclaim, "Silly Cup Day is GOOD!  I will not cry!  I will laugh!" and gives a fake, sort of creepy "ha ha ha ha" laugh, DON'T switch the lids again, making each kid keep their original lid and just swapping the cups since they already drank from the lids and you have some irrational thought about not sharing germs.  Because then they will BOTH cry because D wanted the GREEN cup with the PINK lid and Belle can't possibly drink unless she has the PINK cup with the GREEN lid.  
And at that point if you take ALL cups away from EVERYONE and declare that you are deeply sorry for attempting to have any fun with such a group of whiny pants, no one would blame you.  

Yes, I would like to confirm that I did put Family Movie Night in the Highs section - and I'm sticking to it because I'm nursing the ludicrous hope that the NEXT Family Movie Night is going to be a picture perfect evening of domestic happiness. 

2) I'm married to a doctor

My hubby decide to go to a DO medical school instead of a MD one.  Now I'm sure MD's learn plenty of useful stuff and turn out to be fine doctors, but there's something about DO's that ROCKS.  On top of the usual medical education they get to study Osteopathic Manipulation (OMM - no I don't know what the other M is for.  Maybe "Magic".).  Think chiropractor and your in the right ballpark.  They learn a great deal about muscle and bone positions and by feeling joints and such they can rattle off things like, "Wow, your sacrum is left rotated and your iliac crest has a significant posterior shift!"  Or something.  I just put that sentence in so the few DO's that I know who read this will die laughing at my diagnosis. 

Anyway, this has by far been the best part of his medical education.  Sure he's helped little babies who were sick and helped adults get control of diseases that were destroying their lives, but that's not important.  What's important is that he can fix my back when it hurts, help my hips to get realigned during pregnancy, and fix a stiff neck in minutes.  And he has magical hand powers too.  I vividly remember the beginning of medical school when he declared his OMM teachers were delusional for saying they could feel how bones were incorrectly positioned.  But now he can do it too.  And more.

After the blessed Family Movie Night ended and the two older kids were fast asleep, Liam was up screaming his tiny head off.  I think, "huh, maybe gas?" but realize as all mothers do that it's a crap shoot as to whether  he really has gas or not unless you actually hear it coming out.  I mean I don't have a cat scan here to look into his abdomen. 

Enter Medman who politely asks if he can check out the wee bairn.  He pulls up Liam's little shirt, gets a faraway look in his eyes and starts pushing in different places on his tummy.  Then he creases his brow and starts saying sympathetically, "Oh buddy!  Wow!  Poor you!  Let's fix that, ok?"  He then tells me that Liam's little tummy is full to the brim with gas and that he's going to help it move.  Ok, sure.  If you say so.  He even offers to teach me how but then says, with complete sincerity, "But you really can't feel the difference between his small and large intestine?"

Wha'?  Feel the difference between his small and large intestine? From the outside?  Of course not.  No one can do that.  I can feel bony or squishy.  Those are my two choices. And unless I'm REALLY off on my anatomy, both small and large intestines fall in the "squishy" category. 

But Osteopathic Manipulative Magic did it's work and within minutes there was such flatulence as you would never believe came out of such a cute little tushy.  And then my sweet baby was back and he smiled a bit and drifted off to sleep immediately on his changing table.

I hit the marriage jackpot, people.


  1. Your posts always make me laugh. I love reading blogs that aren't all "I'm perfect, my kids are perfect, life is sunshine and roses". I like reading about crazy kids and farts.


  2. This just once again confirms my jealousy of the doctor wives and their free, readily-available OMM. Because, really, all I get from being married to an English teacher is a swift, brutal trouncing at Scrabble. Every time.

  3. You never fail to make me laugh! Thanks for keeping it real :)

    My hubs giggled too ;)

  4. Dear Lord, thank you for making me a grandmother because there's absolutely no way I could do sippy cups again.
    And thank you for friends like Janice who make me realize that my life isn't actually that bad after all.
    Thank You.

    p.s. DO's ROCK!!!

  5. I laughed my ass off at that post! You silly lady. You don't know how to feel for the lower intestine like the rest of us? We, like, all know that...totally.

  6. Okay. Can I pay for him to come visit and actually fix my back pain? Because the chiropractor, the MD, the PT, the pills, none of them are fixing me.
    I like the squishy versus bone. My mom thinks the human body is divided into three categories: muscle, bone and meat.


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