Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Yesterday Big D asked me what I was going to be when I grew up.  Whether that was a commentary on his opinion of my small stature or my apparent lack of occupation, I don't know.

Instead of boring you with the admittedly long-winded answer that I gave him involving how he should be impressed by my Engineering degree and by my dedication as a mother to care for him INCESSANTLY, I will tell you my real answer.

I've decided I would like to be a superhero.  (SuperMom just sounds stupid.  Maybe Uber Mother!  No.  The Hammer!  No.  Blitz!  Nah.  Ulti-Mom?   Hmm, the name thing's harder than I thought.  I'll get back to you on the name.)

I want to be a Superhero with super powers.  I believe I've commented before that it's a life goal of mine to discover my superpower.  I refuse to admit that it is the knack to pick the line with the most mentally challenged checkout person at the local super store.   Although the evidence to support the fact that that is indeed a talent of mine is really piling up. 

No, I want real superpowers.  But not the usual ones.  I'm over wanting invisibility (I can hide in the bathroom, after all...) and if I could fly I'd just have to create some sort of American Academy of Pediatrics approved child safety harness.  No, I'd like real super powers. 

Like the ability to clean something instantly with only my mind. 

Dishes?  Poof! Done. 

Laundry? Zap! Sorted.  Zing! Washed.  Wham! Dried.  And best yet, Bam! Put away. 

Something freaky in that tupperware I just found tucked behind the cheese drawer in the fridge?  Zonk! Emptied and disinfected.  With nary a whiff of rancid parmesan cheese. 

Or the ability to instantly obliterate all noxious smells.  

Or to mute whining. 

Or if that is all too much to ask, then maybe just the ability to freeze time for the rest of the world while I  clean.  That way I would a) not waste any time that could be spent doing more interesting things and b)the kids would be stuck in some sort of perfectly safe stasis so they could not be up to their usual devious plans of wrecking whatever room I am not currently cleaning. 

Hmmmm, kids stuck in some sort of perfectly safe stasis....I would clean often.

And if I were a superhero then I could get a signal.  Not some bat-shaped-light-shining-up-in-the-sky sort of signal.  That would be of no use since all the emergencies I am needed for happen inside my own home.  Maybe just some sort of Super iPhone.  Ulti-Mom's Ulti-Phone.  And if I'm needed?  Well, there's an app for that.

Because how much cooler would it be to have my Ulti-Phone play a personalized ring tone than having to hear hysterical wailing from upstairs of "MOOOOMMMMMMYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HELP!!!!!!!!!!  I GOT POOP ON MY THUMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"? 

Well, that's the dream. 

Oh, and Belle would like me to be able to conquer static electricity once and for all. 

Thursday, February 3, 2011


The name "Snowpocalypse" makes me laugh.  Remembering the 11' snowfalls from my childhood (which I'm positive I'm remembering accurately) I feel that whatever we got here Tuesday doesn't really deserve the name, but it's fun to say.

We were pretty convinced Tuesday morning that the blizzard was going to be a non-event.  We based this on the fact that we kept glancing out the sliding glass door by our dining room into the back yard and seeing minimal snow accumulation.  Plenty of tiny snow flakes zooming through the air, but barely anything landing.  

So around 4pm we thought, "Let's do that quick run to Walmart incase it really does get bad tonight."  

And that was our first encounter with the Front Yard.  This is how far we got.  

Yup, about half way out the driveway.  Turns out we already had about 7" of snow with a nice layer of ice underneath.  Walmart trip aborted and 20 minutes to get car back into garage.  

And we started to get a small hint as to which side of our house was going to end up with the monstrous drifts.

So we stayed cozy inside and said all the clever and original things everyone else in the Midwest was saying.  Things like, 

5:00 pm: "Wow, that's a lot of snow!" 
5:30 pm: "Mommy, is this the Blizzard yet?" 
6:00 pm: "Huh, look at that wind!"  
6:30 pm: "Mommy, now is this another Blizzard?"  
7:00 pm: "Look at that snow drift!"  
7:30 pm: "Mommy, is this STILL the Blizzard?"
8:00 pm: "Still snowin'!" and so on and so forth.  

Wednesday morning, we woke to this. It is impossible to get good perspective in snow shots, but this is the best I've got:

This snow drift is approximately 3 1/2' deep and runs straight across our entry way.

This is peeking around the corner of our garage.  The bottom of the brick had maybe 4" of snow, but a foot or two out from it towered another 3'-4' drift.

The back porch did eventually get its 2' drifts.

It was so windy that snow actually blew into the cracks around closed windows.

Wednesday's recreation: dig out the driveway.

We expect to reopen our front door for use around the first of March.

About 4 hours into shoveling.  Note that at this point MedMan had reached the street.  The plow, however, had plowed the middle grassy island of our cul de sac instead of the actual road, so Medman got to shovel an additional 12' or so.  The lucky guy.  He really enjoyed his snow day.
A close up of shoveling for perspective's sake.  And this was the shallow end of the driveway. 
Or neighbor, Bob, proved that he is an influential man in town with powerful friends.  Grandpa Hank showed up on his tractor and cleared off the last 15' of Bob's driveway in about 10 minutes.  Hank did not, however, think Medman influential or powerful enough to help.  (Do you like D's little buried basketball hoop?)

And no, there are no kids-frolicking-in-the-snow pictures.  It's a windchill of -10, people.